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Spiritually
Intimate Relationships
by
Graham Maxey
There
are many relationships that people can have that are spiritual. Parent and child, teacher and student,
even individual and the world can all fulfill the basic definition of a
spiritual relationship that is to help in the growth of another in ways that
deepen a sense of mystery of being while increasing that person’s
awareness of belonging and acceptance within that being. In other words, a spiritual
relationship gives us a “more” to be in and lets us be in it
more. But there are only a few
spiritual relationships that can be intimate. This is because intimacy itself requires a number of
qualities in order for the relationship to reach the point that is referenced
by the root of the word itself.
Intimacy is from the Latin intus, meaning “within.”
An association becomes intimate when the persons involved can look at
each other and see on the outside what is inside of themselves.
Real
intimacy is different from common projection in which we take what is within us
and look at it as though it were in someone else. Intimacy often means discovering with the other what was
hidden and unknown in ourselves until they modeled and released it to us. Intimacy is prized because it usually
brings with itself ecstasy, the escape from the isolation of being a self; the
ability to “stand outside” the ego, if only for a few moments at a
time. This is a sensation human
beings always experience as joy.
And if you can have joy, a cessation of loneliness, and a
deepening of appreciation for the wonder of being and your rightful place in
it, then your life really has been seized by blessing.
People
ask all the time, “What can I do to possess this wonder?” The answer is, “You can do
nothing to own it, for that destroys it.
But there are things you can do to participate with it and let yourself
be a part of it.”
1.
AWARENESS - Do all you can to always
increase the sense of the “more” that is before you in every
situation. Nothing is just
itself. There is always a way to
contemplate the unseen dimensions of people, events, ideas, and feelings. Being spiritually intimate with anyone
demands first an appreciation for the potential revelation that can come
anywhere and at any time because it is always here and happening now. Practicing the awareness of the
“more” in a relationship is the first part of making that
relationship spiritual.
2. WILLINGNESS - By this I mean a decision to let life show you its
riches instead of willfully taking it by the throat and trying to choke it into
granting you what you believe will make you happy. Very often, the thing you wanted least is the thing that
unlocks your higher fulfillment.
Being willing in a relationship breaks the barriers of resentment,
self-righteousness, and “score-keeping,” and lets the boundaries between
you be gentle and caressing instead of adamant and unyielding.
3.
EQUALITY - Unless you see the other
as equal to you, you will never see yourself in them and intimacy is lost. This is a day in and day out
thing. It can’t be reserved
for ceremonies or particular “PC” moments. It can’t be lip service or
functionally castrated. When you
honor the equality of the other you preserve the link to your intus.
4.
ADMIRATION - This is almost a given
from equality and awareness. If you
practice these you will notice that the qualities of the other that once
puzzled or even alarmed you will become less and less of a problem to be solved
and more and more an occasion of wonder and even awe. The graceful and elegant parts of character will becoming
arresting and fascinating.
5. CONNECTION - Intimacy does not need you to share every thought or
feeling, but it does need responsiveness, appropriateness, and attention. If your
response to the other is weak, ambiguous, or intermittent, the connection has
no strength. If your emotions and
behavior are always “full-bore” or completely constricted, the
connection must be frequently broken.
If your attention is obviously not with the other except when absolutely
“necessary” the connection simply dries-up.
If
you only have one spiritually intimate relationship in your lifetime you will
be glad of it always. But if you
cultivate many spiritually intimate relationships throughout your life, your
life will glow with the fire of ecstasy and shimmer in the light of joy.
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