Grief, Fear, and
Courage
by Shannon Maxey
How
would your life be different if you weren’t afraid? Look back on your life and see moments
of decision. Were some of those
decisions made out of fear or desire to be loved/accepted. What if you could live your life in the
moment without using worry and fear to time travel to places and possibilities
that you may never encounter? What else could you do with all that energy?
What
if you could be in an uncomfortable place either physically or emotionally and
have love and compassion for yourself?
How would that change your life and the decisions you have yet to make. Change your choices, intend them from
love and manifest a different life.
If you are having any trouble with this I know something that could help
you along. Learning how to grieve,
really grieve. I don’t mean
stuffing it someplace, but moving through the process in a loving and
compassionate way. Being in the
midst of the pain, facing it head on, and loving yourself. Grief is often one of the first
big lessons we are offered in this life. Most of us, if we didn’t lose a beloved family member
who was a person, we lost a beloved friend who was a pet. How did your family teach you to grieve,
what was their example and has that served you well?
At
eight a cat I loved very much died and I was distraught. It had never occurred to me the world I
lived in could be such an awful and scary place. Something that I loved could be there and then not be there
in an instant. Today I can
honestly say I am through grieving my kitty. The place I’m at is one of joy. Joy that she chose to spend time with
me; joy that she taught me about patience and compassion in a way no human
could. Joy that she taught me about
connection. And joy in feeling her
around and knowing she will meet me on the bridge when I cross over. Our
relationship is not bound by this earth.
I am not and will not ever be alone. Yes, loved ones will pass before me and I will grieve each
one differently, but most importantly, completely. { The temporary but illusory
loss of a relationship.} I
will review what they taught me, whether the lessons were easy or hard won. And when my grief is complete I will
feel my connection to them and know they are still interested in my life my
growth and that they love me.
Grief
is something that comes up again and again in our lives in many forms. Think
about how your life would change if you could grieve well. I’m not saying
without pain; that’s not realistic.
What would you have done differently if you had better grieved the loss
of that job. What effect would that have had on your next job? What would it be like to grieve the
loss of a relationship completely and have a positive effect instead of restrictions
and rules (meant to keep you from getting hurt again) on the next
relationship. We get hurt and then
contort ourselves trying not to get hurt. It’s no wonder so many of us
don’t really know who we are any more. We’ve adapted and adjusted mostly to avoid pain to the
point we’re so far removed from our centers, our true selves, we wonder
if we have centers at all. Most of us know that life is not about avoiding hurt
and heartache and fear. It must be
about our response to the hurt, ourselves, and others. (Yet most of us live our
lives that way, “I won’t go out with him he’ll only hurt me,”
or “I’ll go out but I won’t go further with the relationship
I’ll keep it at a place I feel safe.”) Some of us grew up in some sort of religious ideology that told
us that if something bad happens to us we must have deserved it. We must have done something wrong for
this stuff to land on us. Maybe it
was never actually said out loud but you sure got the message. I hate that expression: “There but
for the grace of God go I.”
It’s just so off the mark.
When I see someone suffering my heart goes out to them in compassion and
comfort. I can’t help but think what an amazing spirit and how brave they
are to be going through this, and I wonder how many lives will they touch
through this experience they are having and what can I discover from there
experience and my response to it. I no longer think, “How unfortunate,”
or wonder what they did to bring on this heart ache to themselves.
What
if you knew better how to experience the changes in your life--to roll with the
punches and get up stronger. What if you really knew how to grieve? Every time we lose something we value God/the
universe extends an invitation to us to be more than we were, and to see the
world and the universe in more depth.
Don’t wait until you’re not afraid to accept the invitation.
All the courage you need is to
accept the way you do it the first time won’t be the way you do it the
last time and the only wrong answer is to turn away from it or hide from it. Grief flows and changes us on the most
personal and profound levels. It’s
up to us to accept the invitation.
